Make it go away...

Everything is just so messed up.
My whole day is just so messed up....
I feel like crying to feel better but i can't...something is just stopping me from doing it.
Then it gets dizzy and cramp.
It's like you can't breathe at all....
I so wanted to take a knife and stab the heart thats making me so miserable.
I so wanted to cut my brains out just to shout at it what is wrong with you today!!?
It just keep flashing back flashing back things that i want it to go away.

And after this stupid rant, what i gain from it?
Getting more depress? making ppl around me miserable too?

I don't worship my parents, i honour them.
But i'm still what i am, a selfish, unrespectful, dishonest child.
I've fought so much with them to have everything to go my way
How else would i get to go out with all of you, how else did i get to do what i want?
everytime i ask permission, the answer has to be a yes.
I was so selfish to the extend i called my father who was in the middle of a company meeting in another country juz to beg him to let me go ACGC and a friends farewell party. This incident nearly got me disowned. it was late at night when he finally allowed me.
This is how selfish i am.
All this while im only causing pain to my family...
So how is it fair to my parents if i side my friends all the time...
I'm sorry i've written such a stupid rant earlier...i'm juz depress.
i only want you all to believe me that i've done my best to be present
If you think its not enough then i have no more to say.